11 May 2011

5 December


It’s been a few days. feels like my mind has been rioting lately. Flashing colors, too many voices shouting, the world spinning, nearly out of control, like that last, sad wobbly turn a top gives just before it topples over on its side and skids to a stop. But tonight. Tonight somebody – maybe it was me… who can really tell – stood up on the hood of one of the cars and waved her hands and clutched at her hair and screamed for it to stop. And it did. Almost unnaturally. And it is as if the world in my head is on pause and everything and everyone is frozen, and the lights are beginning to tunnel, and there are only a few things left that can be seen in the blue-black space. And one of them is your face. And it’s – unbelievably – still. And quiet. And it makes the rioters lower their arms, and close their mouths, and turn and try to find their various ways home. And I feel everything inside begin to crouch down and to breathe, and to keep itself silent and calm. And then the light spots another figure in the crowd, and it is Adelle. And I see that, when I thought you were looking at me, through the crowd. Seeking me out to settle and stay… it was her. She was the one. And she is looking at you as well. And in her eyes is love. And no small measure of fear. Spiced with panic. And there was me. Looking on at the two of you, and feeling my own tunnel of light closing and narrowing to a pinpoint, and then disappearing altogether. 

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